This is my Film

These are the know it alls. Sometimes they have been to film school and dropped out. Sometimes they even graduate. Sometimes they are just so excited by a project that they lay claim to every important aspect of it. 

They want to sit behind the director and like a masochist, they want to be in charge of the scene despite having no inkling of control whatsoever. They’ll agree with the director, they’ll suddenly become useful. They’ll rebark the director’s order as if they are an echo. 

They take credit for everything good in the film and one unkind word falls at someone else’s feet. They are persecuted. They are the behind the scenes savior. If only they had been listened to, this would be a blockbuster despite its $300 budget. 

They never do anything wrong.

Let me repeat that. They. Never. Do. Anything. Wrong. 

Their enthusiasm is infectious and suddenly your 5 minute short is as long as Ten Commandments, Titanic, and Braveheart put together. They will put their friends, their children, their dogs, their dogs children in any scene that asks for some extras. They always know someone who is trying to break into the business. They know someone who will do nude scenes (FYI, you don’t want to see their nude actors nude. Really, like crack–just say no). They believe everything is awesome when the reality is everything is polished, sometimes it’s a polished turd. 

They like to become the enforcer for the micromanager director. These two usually becomes thick as thieves because they both think the Micromanager as some sort of Film God and won’t accept any demotion. 

A good producer tells you it’s right when it is. A great producer does not blow smoke up your ass and tell you it’s a kiss. 

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